Faces Of Phases...My Mentality

Whether it's joy or WTF...I work on me!!!! I've always felt compelled to address Mental Health Issues, even though I didn't initially know why. Later, I discovered my fascination with the brain—its intricate design, how it functions, and its impact on our body, life, and existence. This is Mental Health Awareness Month, but for those who face these challenges daily, awareness is a year-round necessity. I can relate, as I'm one of the over 60 million American adults affected, either partially or fully, by mental struggles. I recall a time when I couldn't articulate the need for help, even though I could speak. What should I do when I don't want to do anything I'm supposed to, as everything irritates me? No one understood my experiences. I felt broken until I didn't, but even then, my emotions would swing. I was an A/B student from elementary through middle school, my weak personality was evident because I didn't know how to stand up for myself. I was slow to grasp reality, bullied, and assulted all through the age of 14. I was tall, pretty, and confused. I changed, shifting from sweetness to wildness. With the help of a childhood friend, I learned to defend myself with words, initially using curse words and later literary ones. I've always loved words, and as I found my voice, I embraced the power of vocabulary. Ignorance and vulnerability played a role when I became a teen parent at 16. I had bouts and became withdrawn, easily influenced and manipulated. I walked into my first day of high school and walked out. At age 17, I attended Adult Education classes to earn my G.E.D., I did enjoy the maturity of my adult classmates that contributed with positivity and encouragement as I struggled to find my place in the world of adulting.

I understand that my body is composed of various organs working together to keep me alive. My brain is the most powerful organ, closely followed by my heart. I use my brain and the gift from God to express myself through words, craft, and storytelling...This is my truth.

I lacked a clear medical understanding of my brain damage and mental health issues. When did they start? Was it during childhood with fainting spells and seeing colors while blacking out, or was it due to stress in both my childhood and adulthood? Growing up was challenging and stressful. As a teenager, I discovered I had a seizure disorder. Years later, as an adult, I was diagnosed with an inoperable tumor and brain lesions. My behavior over the years was something I never fully understood. My mentality was a mystery to me. One day, I met someone who saw herself in me; she had also faced mental health struggles. Following her advice, I found a therapist and psychiatrist after sporadically attending outpatient therapy. I was a beautiful mental mess. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, anxiety, psychosis, and a sleep disorder. I embraced the process starting with group therapy and medication, working to function without medication, except for marijuana, which a loved one suggested due to the side effects of prescription drugs. Under prescribed medication, I felt like a 'Zombie' and hated the numbing sensation. During a dark period in my life, as an adult, I abused substances to the point of self-destruction. Was it because I was seeking mental relief? Who can ever know the reason? I've stopped counting the years since I overcame that demon. Yes, I've achieved wonderful things and faced hardships, poor judgment, and more due to the 'brain damage' I've had since childhood. One thing I know for sure is that God always lets me shine. I've been blessed to accomplish things in my life that I doubted I could, especially when my brain would shut down to a point of stagnation. Some days, when people, places, and things, especially my presence, are important and I'm a 'No Show', it hurts even more than the pain that keeps me in bondage, so sorry for those that think less of my heart, love, and care. Until you've experienced and endured the headaches and breakdowns, understand or not, most people choose not to. God never let or lets me go... I never give up, no matter how things seem to me and others. I may appear defeated or as if I've given up, but that's not really the case throughout my history; it's called 'Going Through'. God called/calls me a Writer when I asked/asks Him who I was/am. Some days, I experience intense pain in my head and then there's the inevitable exhaustion that shows up like bills (Always)... But because God allows it, as I feel at times it's unbearable, He lifts me up and relieves my pain. I write because God grants me that ability; nothing related to this brain damage can stop me with God on my side. I am strong and talented, no matter what. Some people are not granted what we are, and you know I'm talking to you. Everyone is so special to God, just, 'Know Your Worth' (A friend once said to me, as I was seeking his advice). We are still standing, so stand up and embrace yourself and everything God-given that is wonderful about you!

Throughout history, many writers, authors, artists, and musicians have created remarkable works while struggling with mental illness, yet they possessed extraordinary talents. Bebe Moore Campbell was an author and journalist who excelled despite dealing with bipolar disorder and anxiety. She was a dedicated advocate for mental health awareness among Black Americans. On June 2, 2008, Congress designated July as Bebe Moore Campbell National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month to highlight the challenges faced by underrepresented individuals in America. She lost the battle of brain cancer on November 27, 2006, at just 56 years young...She's my Shero!

As Bebe dedicated herself to the fight against mental health illness, her only daughter, actress Maia Campbell, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and struggled with drug addiction. Maia is now clean, sober, and managing the challenges of life with mental illness. I'm certain her mother is proudly watching over her.

Bebe Moore Campbell, a New York Times Best-Selling author wrote and published 10 plus books including two books, addressing mental health and the affects on mothers and daughters.

A little girl experiences the dramatic realities of her mother's mental illness.

This story references what occurs when a person experiencing a mental breakdown is held for involuntary psychiatric hold for 72 hours.

NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness has a 24-hour helpline: 800-950-6264.